I have found the cure for stress… VACUUMING UP POLLY POCKET AND BARBIE LITTLE PARTS…. The tension just goes away.. I am actually going to tell my girls not to clean them up just so I can hear that clicking sound. Do you have a trick for relieving stress?

And yes I do my CinderFella chores with my infant on my back.  Otherwise she will be getting into trouble crawling somewhere or whining that I am not paying attention to her.  I get a ton more done, she loves it and it keeps me in better shape.  I mow the lawn with her on my back too.

(PS. sorry for the bad photoshop of adding the Polly Pocket toys on the floor.)

Today I was in a hurry to get lunch on the table so I could get my 4 year old to gymnastics on time.  In my haste, I forgot to take the peal off my daughter’s pear before giving it to her.   I said to my 4 year old, “Eat the pear with the peal on it or you don’t get your ice cream tonight.” She replied “Yeah it’s not worth it to me. I won’t have ice cream tonight.”   

Time to find a new currency that works for her.   What works best for you and your kids?

Back to my point of the original post, my daughters and I continue to have fun at the squirrel’s expense.  I guess you could call it Karma you Pesky (yet determined) Squirrel.  Check out the video of the Squirrel learning the Twist and Shout from my Father’s Day gift…  The Droll Yankee Flipper Squirrel Proof Bird Feeder 

Pesky Squirrel doing the Twist and Shout

Pesky Squirrel Twist and Shout

My girls solved that problem by getting me the Best Father’s Day present ever, the Droll Yankee Flipper.  The ultimate squirrel proof bird feeder plus entertainment for the kids.  CLICK THE PESKY SQUIRREL to watch the video of my new gift and you will see why. 
 Bye Bye Pesky Squirrel

More Videos to Come..

It was my birthday a week ago and my wife got me some new boxers.  She had them nicely wrapped and as I unwrapped them and my girls saw what they were, they both pointed and belted out “Ahhhh Hahaha UNDERWEAR!!!!” and then continued to laugh, which ultimately makes me laugh.

One thing you have to know about me is that I HATE to shop for clothes for myself.  I especially hate to try on clothes.  Maybe it was my mom that scarred me for life by having me try on pants and then do the awkward “checking the inseam” that every boy hates.  Needless to say, I much rather wear outdated clothes than go shopping for new ones.  However, the other day the “Lucky Brand” store was having their Bi-Annual 50% off sale and my wife has been hounding me to get some new pants.  So I decided it was time to trade in my Bugle Boys. 

Ideall,y I would have liked to have waited for a time where I could go myself, but the 50% off sale would have ended.  So I decided I would bring my 3 year old shopping partner, despite my hesitation.    We got to the store and immediately my 3 year old asks where the TV is located.   Obviously we spend way too much time in Gymboree doing returns for my wife, because now she thinks that there should be a TV in every store. I kinda wish there was too, but no such luck in “Lucky Brand”.

The overly nice ladies that worked at the store helped me find the style and size I was looking for and pointed us to the fitting room.  The 2 fitting rooms were practically located in the middle of the store and had a pull curtain made out of denim that didn’t close all the way.  I really didn’t want to bring my 3 year old in the fitting room with me but felt it was the safe thing to do.   I pulled the denim curtain closed as much as I could and my 3 year old started making funny faces at herself in the mirror.

The ladies at the store hovered outside the room which made me feel even more uneasy.  I mean come on ladies, I know I look good in jeans but how about a little privacy.  All I want to do is make sure these jeans fit and get out!  

As I take off my pair of pants to try on the new ones, my daughter stops making faces at herself, turns, points and says loudly with a giggle for everyone in the store to hear  ”Ahhhhhhh I see your Underwear!!!!!!  Ahhhh Hahahaha!”   Well that got a bunch of laughs from the workers and customers of Lucky Brand, even from me. I finished trying on the jeans and got the pair that fit the best.  I put my pants back on and came out of the fitting room blushing a little bit.  The ladies were right there waiting for me still smiling from my daughters outburst. So I say with a smirk ”I don’t know what she was talking about.  I don’t wear Underwear” and then handed them the jeans that didn’t fit.

What is it about Underwear being so funny to kids?   Is it a universally funny word in every language?  Or is it my childish tendencies that have rubbed of on my kids?   Whatever it is, I guess I won’t be taking my daughters to Victoria’s Secret when I go to get my wife’s Valentines Day present.

She was excited to discuss everything she learned. 

I asked her what we needed to do if there was a lot of smoke and you couldn’t breathe.  She said with confidence, “We get down to the ground as low as we can on all fours.”  Then she hesitated and looked up and to the right like she was thinking real hard about something.  Then she asked, “Does that mean Lucy gets down on all eights?”  

Lucy is our Dog.

It is good to see she is learning fire safety and math at her school.  Although, she wasn’t amused with my sophomoric response of, “No she just becomes a Hot Dog”.

Road Trip Challenges for Trophy Husband (Public Potties, Yuck!)

Sorry for the delay in posting.  I have been a bit under the weather and did a road to Chicago with my 2 girls.  The main reason for the road trip was for me to do my annual tailgater at the Bears game with my brother.  I brought the girls with me so my parents can see them as well as give my wife a free weekend at home by herself.

One of my biggest challenges or maybe I should say anxieties of travelling with 2 girls (ages almost 3 and 5) is having to stop to go to the bathroom at a public restroom.  I also want worry about the last minute “Daddy I have to Go Potty” when we are 20 miles from the nearest stop.  So what I try to do, which I am sure every parent travelling with kids does is plan.  I curb their drinking of fluids before we leave, everyone has to go to the bathroom right before we leave, and I have a planned stop at one of two places that I have found to be exceptionally clean.   As we all know, things don’t always work out the way we plan them.  For your entertainment, I will provide you a few instances in chronological order, that have happened to me while making our road trips to Chicago. 

#1  Dead Stop Traffic And No Potty (Notice there is a potty in this picture, unfortunately the picture was not from this trip)

This first Road Trip Challenge I had was when my oldest was 2 1/2 years old.  She was for the most part potty trained but we would put a Pull-Up on her at night since she was such a deep sleeper.  She was very proud of herself and her ability to go potty and being a “Big Girl”.  This was my first road trip in the car without any diaper on.  I tried to convince her to put on a diaper or Pull-Up for the ride, but she wouldn’t have any part of it.

Ok.  I can do this.  There is a gas station on the other side of Lafayette, IN at the exit of Fair Oaks Farms.  Normally, there is no way in heck I would stop at a gas station.  But this one takes so much pride in their clean bathrooms, they even have a billboard of the highway that says “Cleanest Bathrooms.” 

So we’re off.  Two hours into the trip and about twenty minutes from the Fair Oaks Farms gas station stop and right as I start to think “Man, we’re making amazing time.” RED TAIL LIGHTS EVERYWHERE and we come to a dead stop.  The speculation starts.  Cop pulled someone over for speeding?  Small Accident?  What ever it was we weren’t moving one inch.  20 minutes into it and still haven’t moved, we get confirmation from a trucker that there has been a fatal accident which means they will have to shut down the highway for several hours to investigate.  So I start to think of options.  Really we didn’t have any.  The median was too steep to drive down into the grass and turn around and go the other way.  Plus I already see a pickup truck that attempted this and got stuck.

Suddenly, this little voice from the back speaks up over the “Cinderella” movie playing on the DVD player and says “Daddy I have to go potty…..”

“SON OF A *****” I say loudly in my head.  Since she is just recently potty trained I know she has to go right now.  I remain calm so she doesn’t flip out.  “I knew I should have brought her training potty” I say to myself.    Ok the light goes on in my head.  “Pull-ups”.  They are in the suitcase in the back for nighttime.  BRILLIANT.  I go into the back of the car, dig out the suitcase and then snag a Pull-up.  I go over to her side of the car and begin the persuasion.

I say in a nice calm voice, “Alexa, I know you are such a big girl and I am so proud of you for being able to go potty on your own.  There aren’t any potties around anywhere and we aren’t going to be able to  get to one anytime soon.  We need to put this Pull-Up on you and you can go potty in it.”

“NOOOOO!  I AM A BIG GIRL!!  I PEE IN THE POTTY!” she screams so even the trucker next to us can hear.

I quickly respond “You’re right.  I think just in case something sneaks out of you we should put these on so your car seat doesn’t get all wet and stinky.” and then I make goofy face and plug my nose and say “PEE YEW”.  

She laughs and then agrees to it.

By this time, I have decided to turn the Trophy Husband Mobile around and go back on the shoulder of the road the wrong way until I find a place to cross the median and pray there aren’t cop cars that catch me doing this.  Luckily it was only a quarter of a mile.  Ah.  We are off going back to the next exit ramp and to a bathroom.  

Alexa starts whining ”Daddy! I am so sorry!  I went potty in my pants.”  I reassured her that it is ok and that is why we put the Pull-Up on.   I was actually relieved that now we won’t have to use the bathroom at the gas station, and all I have to do is take the Pull-Up off do a quick clean and back on the road.  So we get to the gas station and I get out and go over to Alexa’s side of the car and open the door to do the quick change……..  Yeah… The Pull-Up Leaked all the way through soaking her pants and car seat.   Plus Alexa is refusing to sit in the wet stinky car seat!!  I can’t win.  I finally change her, wipe the car seat a bit and convinced her that I can put a towel over the wet spot on the car seat and she will be fine.  I have learned my lesson since and always have a training potty in the back of the Trophy Husband Mobile.

Holy Smokes, that story was longer than I expected and I have 3 or 4  more, that are even worse.  I don’t want to take up too much of your time today, so I will add one more to this post and do a “To Be Continued…” for my next post.  Is that cool?

Jump ahead  a couple years and now I am travelling to Chicago with 2 kids.  Alexa is almost 5 and Evelyn is 2.  I am making another trip to my parents and giving my wife  a three day break alone.  Alexa is good to go with her potty skills and Evelyn is potty trained.  Evelyn is pretty much stuck in her potty regiment:

Steps to a perfect Potty Break

1. Seat Up
2. Pants Down
3. Sit on Potty
4. Go Potty
5. Wipe
6. Get Down
7. Pants Up
8. Flush
9. Wash Hands

This time there wasn’t  any traffic and we made it from Carmel, IN to Merrillville, IN, in about 2 hours where we made our planned potty stop at a Starbucks.  This Starbucks bathroom wasn’t as clean as the Carmel, IN or Lake Forest, IL Starbucks, but still better than a gas station.  Both kids come in the Men’s bathroom with me, I lock the door.  I let Alexa do her thing first since she is quick and doesn’t need help.  Once she is done, I tell her to stand in the middle of the bathroom with her hands in her pocket, so she doesn’t touch anything.  

Then it is Evelyn’s turn…   We get through her regiment steps 1-6 perfectly.  There is no way in hell I am going to let her step between the toilet and the stall wall, so while she is pulling up her pants (step 7) I flushed the toilet.  Ooops.  She looks at me like the end of the world has come.  Eyes roll back in the head and close. With her pants still around her knees she lays back on the floor right next to the toilet (Eew!) and has a tantrum screaming “I wanted to flush!” over and over.  Right about now I am hoping the ”5 Second Rule” applies to kids on the floor of public restrooms.    I pick her up off the floor as she continues to scream in my ear. 

I try to say “You can flush it now, go ahead” she continues to scream and does the “Wet Noodle Body”  so she can slip through my arms, but I am not having any of it.  It’s not going to work, I can’t take it back and make it all ok.  As I hold her limp screaming body in one arm I am able to awkwardly get her pants up with my free hand.  I also notice Alexa standing in the middle of the bathroom with hands in her pockets staring in shock.  I give her a fake smile and thank her for being so good.

Now I need to come up with a plan.   Do I walk back through the Starbucks with a screaming kid?  God knows what everyone would think when a Dad comes out of the bathroom with a uncontrollable screaming kid.    They are all probably standing out there wondering if they should break in to see if everything is ok.   I then come up with another option and give it a try.  I turn Evelyn upside down and hold her by her ankles and put her over the toilet and say “If you don’t stop crying I am going to put your head in the toilet and then let you flush!”

Alexa starts laughing and says “Yeah! Do it!” 

Evelyn begins to laugh too since she loves when I hang her up side down and tickle her stomach and says “No, No!”  Phew, all is well now. 

I get Alexa to start walking out as I carry Evelyn out with us.    I got a couple of looks as I walk out.  I say quietly to the Barista, “She wasn’t thrilled how dirty the bathroom was” and then I smile.

As we get back to the car and start to buckle Evelyn, she starts to flip out again “I DIDN”T WASH MY HANDS!!!!!!!!!!”

Now I am pissed.  “You lay down next to the toilet in a public bathroom and you are worried about washing your hands?”  I whip out the Purell squeeze a bit on her hands as I glare at her. 

She smiles a little at me and says “You Happy?”

“Do I look happy?”

I jump in the driver seat.  And begin to plan the sterilizing of Evelyn, her clothes and the car seat.   I then make a mental note “Make sure I don’t take her in bathrooms that have toilets that flush automatically.”

Go forward about a year and I was on the computer with my 5 year old.  We had just downloaded Google Earth (download here http://earth.google.com/ ) so we could travel the world and see  different countries and tourist spots like the Great Wall of China, the Eiffel Tower, The Nile River… Pretty much whatever we want.  It is pretty cool and a great interactive tool that starts you out in space with a satellite view of the earth and after you type in  a country, a specific address or something like “Eiffel Tower”  it starts flying in to that location.  You get a birds eye view and can even zoom into a street level view.    You can type in  a certain address or place and  go to a street level and pretty much walk down the street by clicking on arrows and see what else is around the area.

My 5 year old was loving it.  She was asking about places she had read about in books or learned about in school.  Then she said “Lets see our house.  Type in our address!”  So I did.  We saw an overhead view of our neighborhood. 

She then asked “Can we see what it looks like from the front?”  So I went to street level view……  And there was a picture of our house from the street.. with me mowing the lawn.  I guess if you type in our address in Google Maps or Google Earth and view street level, you see me.

So it wasn’t the paparazzi.  It was google maps/ google earth.  At least they didn’t catch me with my shirt off.  The paparazzi would be flocking…..  OK, maybe my farmers tan would have created a huge glare. 

Anyways, if you are looking for a cool online interactive program to do with your child,  download Google Earth here: http://earth.google.com/

Normally I use liquid fabric softener but since we are out I started using the dryer sheets we had left over.   Until now she thought the only use for the dryer sheets was for getting the static out of her hair.  She loves the smell as well. 

Today she was helping take the laundry out of the dryer.  This load contained my T-Shirts, socks and underwear.  For those of you wondering…. The Trophy Husband wears Boxers.    As Alexa was pulling out  a handfull, she saw the dryer sheet was stuck in the seat of my boxers.  She giggled and said “Look, now your Toots won’t smell!”

I laughed hysterically for a minute.  And then thought, “That’s Brilliant Alexa!”

Why hasn’t any one thought of that before?  Underwear made out of Fabric Softener Sheets.  I know for those of my readers who live in Carmel, Indiana or Lake Forest, IL they aren’t seeing the big picture yet because they still think their “Toots” don’t smell.   You’ll haved to get “passed” that.

Just think, you wake up in the morning and get out your fresh pair of Fabric Softener Undies, rub them in your hair to get rid of the static and then put them on to filter out any of those unexpected “Toots”.

I knew she was smart, but now I am thinking Genius.  Now all I need to think of is a catchy name.  Can anyone help me out?